AtV was all about a preview for the new website they are making
In just a little over five years Cloud Imperium Games have created 1,016 youtube videos, 4 websites and 0 games.
“People are catching on that we’re fudging the funding tracker to bolster backer confidence! But we can’t remove it without arousing suspicion. What if we redid the whole website and omitted the tracker? Well that would be expensive and time consuming, but what other option do we have?”
Its blowing my fucking mind that they think that they’ll be able to implement something they’ve never fucking shown in 6 months when they still need to hammer out so much.
It happens every fucking year. CIG starts it by setting up unrealistic expectations to drum up hope to the faithful during the lean months, then they shut up and dont say anything as their self imposed deadlines start to fall apart. They dont need to say anything because by the time the shit is hitting the fan its E3/Gamescom and the faithful will just say “Oh wait for Gamescom” and then they fail that and they go “Wait for CITCON” then they fail that and they go “Wait for the anniversary stream”
Its going to be “Shoot at rocks” or “Sit in your ship parked on the moon” while the numbers go up and the faithful will eat it up as revolutionary and never been done before
G0RF
It’s pretty rich that an old “friend of Chris” was employed at Crytek at the time and was party to crafting Crytek’s confusingly written contracts. It seems beneath neither Chris nor Ortwin’s character to collude in a mutually beneficial act of contract sabotage.
Yet at the same time, we have seen over and over and over again how hopelessly incompetent and shortsighted they are. These are people who have months worth of headstarts to prepare for livestreams aimed at tens of thousands whom they’re hoping to filch funds from — and time and again they’ve botched it in ways that baffle the imagination. These are people who write and approve epic meltdowns by their spokesman in response to bad press and thereby turn containable brushfires into raging firestorms spreading thrice as far and fast and burning their own asses in the process.
So yes, it isn’t beneath their character, not in the slightest, but it is unthinkably beyond their competence.
So we have one faction of goons who are true believers in the Failure of Star Citizen; they don’t want this court case to meddle with something they’ve been waiting years for. And we have other goons who basically just like seeing CIG get fucked over, as long as it’s their own fault. I love it.
Sarsapariller
All I know is that once this court case dies, Star Citizen will finally be good.
luckily it’s literally impossible for anything to be bad for Star Citizen, so I can still dream and have faith
I have to admit that I was expecting a touch more noise to emerge from the realization that the only reason this project even exists is due to Crytek bending over backwards to make it happen and really carrying it on their back through all of the most critical early stages.
You really hit on the galling part of this lawsuit. There would be no Star Citizen without Crytek. They would not have made 175 million without Crytek making the demos and cutting them a deal on the engine. Did Crytek do it out of the goodness of their hearts? No, they did it to promote their engine so they could sell it to other companies to make more money. Was it the right engine choice? Fuck no, it’s a single player fps engine. Was it the only choice Chris had? Looks like. Everybody else turned him down so it was either signing an exclusive deal with Crytek or going to Kickstarter with a few drawings of ships and the same pitch he gave to all the big publishers when he was trying to get back in to the gaming world. It would have been 0.5% funded and gone the way of a bunch of other shitty kickstarters. Moving to a free version of the same engine was a slap in the face of the people who got you those Porsches, Chris. They’re coming to collect.
Do you think guys like Montoya are going to be okay when Crytek responds with a document that makes it look like CIG is wrong in every possible way? Like… these guys know that right now each side is presenting their claims in the way that makes them sound as unerringly correct as possible, right?
Shhhh! They’re so cute when they’re dreaming!
Oh, look! That one is kicking! He probably thinks he’s clipping through the floor
Jobbo_Fett
Crytek goes to court with a world-renown team of lawyers who literally write the book and the thing they are suing CIG for.
ITS A FUCKING CASHGRAB
Meanwhile, CIG sells a tank that will not be released soon, for their planets that don’t work, in a camouflage pattern they have yet to even begin coding into the game.
ITS JUST AN INDIE DEVELOPER LEAVE THEM ALONE!
TheAgent
crytek is a horrible fuckin company that had it’s last love from PC gaming nerds a decade ago. they shouted “this, this is what PC gaming is about” over the coil whine of their strained and cum stained video cards running a mediocre FPS at ultra settings
I can’t think of a better company to sue chris “savior of pc gaming” roberts. even just thinking about it makes me fucking lol
the corrupt idiots at crytek and the corrupt idiots at cloud imperium really, totally deserve each other. maybe the ones at CIG more, since they’ve actively been fucking over just about everyone since the early 90s
Beet Wagon
It appears all is not lost in BDSSEland
TheAgent
bootcha you get your C&D and your notification of breached NDA yet
supposedly it’s a clusterfuck of legal kung fu now
Gloves are off. Ex-employees have been interviewed and told to shut it, including some ex-backers.
Crytek jumped on Chris’s bandwagon in 2012 out of sheer desperation to have someone do something original with their jittery clunkyfuck fps engine and I will enjoy watching them fuck each other over in court. Derek is all in on this lawsuit drama, and if it is settled before discovery with brown envelopes and multiple cheques from various shell companies (usual CIG style), Derek will be eating internet humble for the next ten years.
If Chris Roberts settles this it will be the first out of character thing he has done in 5 years, and it will be the most sensible decision CIG has ever taken. For that reason I fully expect them to not settle and it will go in front of the court as a matter of Chris’s ego and to keep the fundraising running for another 6 months.
G0RF
What surely all of us agree on yet probably escapes the fiery, furious eyes of Ortwin and Chris is that the longer they protract and more fiercely they fight this lawsuit, the more they assure that the dominant CIG narrative of 2018 is “troubled project continues legal fight.” It seems obvious and mundane so of course it would probably escape their detection.
Every legal volley, every response and counter, is going to run the gaming media circuit as the last two have. It’s going to prompt new videos, punchlines, gossip and speculation. None of it is positive, unless you count scoring yet another CIG buttkissing montage from goofs like Montoya as a big PR win (hint: you get those for free anyway no matter what you do so it’s non-accretive.)
I have got all of you beat and it’s not even by a little bit.
Lets start at the beginning, I’m a moderately successful guy, I’ve been lucky to work with some really high quality people who have made me look like an absolute rockstar. I actually even got some decent B-List actors to work for me on a few projects and even got a reasonably hot, albeit failed commercial actress to marry me. I was a movie producer for a minute and even though I lost more money than I made, the “hollywood” contacts I made put me in good enough standing to be able to piggyback smaller amount of funding on to larger projects and turn a pretty solid net.
Problem is my wife really started to just grate on me about her getting work, and the fucking Turtle of my RL Entourage kept telling people we were gonna make a big fuck off videogame. So I’m kinda stuck in a weird spot where I just wanna start funding high budget porno and maybe trade in the wife for a different kind of actress before the money starts to come in and she’s entitled to a lot more. Seriously, I’ve never seen a girl with such a long neck not be able to make it down to the balls, but whatever that’s not part of this story. So fuckin Turtle gets me stuck telling potential investors about a videogame that I am literally just making up as I talk to them while throwing out some buzzwords I read in Wired, but the crazy part is they start to eat this shit up. Talking about the “upward profit paradigm” in gaming starts to get these fucking app developers turned investors as hard as a rock so I see a chance to do something.
So I get Turtle to call some friends and we set up on this website where you make empty promises to nerds and they throw cash at you. So I get a youtube made by my buddy Gil who has a business making music videos for teenage girls who think they’re gonna be the next Kesha/Iggy and he green screens my shit up so I look like pudgy Scottish Spaceman Spiff. I’m thinking we might make like 2 mil and I can finance a 300K game, pocket the rest and start shooting facial scat porn by Q2 2013. But something far crazier happens, fucking nerds start shitting their entire lifesavings on my fiscal chest like some kind of Gordon Gecko inspired Cleveland Steamer. By the end of it I’m sitting on like 12 mil. Nerds, dude. Fuckin nerds.
So Now I’m thinking “How far can I ride this gravytrain before I actually have to do anything?” so I start up my own website, hired some kid out of Irvine of Craigslist to do it (because fuck Angie’s List, I ain’t paying shit to get some pimple faced kid to shit out a paypal button and spaceship drawings) and sure enough I’ve got 30 million USD and fucking Turtle has promoted himself to my assistant. Which would be fine but he keeps insisting on setting up his office near mine but that shit’s on the East side of the building, so every morning it smells like someone is cooking maple bacon when the sunlight hits his chair. But then the dreams started. I kept having this nightmare where it starts off awesome, I’m banging some coked out 19 year old starlet on a space yacht, but then the space-IRS shows up with my wife, they use her cheekbones to cut through my hull and they tell me I’m going to jail for spaceship-fraud.
So I finally decide to actually make it look like I’m going to make a game and I get my little bro, who’s actually a pretty bitchin programmer/producer and I get him to hire a bunch of his work buddies to work in our hometown. But then my fucking wife decides that our house in Texas sucks so we have to move back to LA and open an office there so she can “pursue her career”, I wanted to tell her they don’t make fish-stick commercials any more and no one is going to be casting any parts for “Mostly Fuckable Witch” now that Angie Jolie has fallen to doing Disney shit other than the Sci Fi channel. But whatever, LA gets me closer to those desperate 23 year old college drop outs that can pass for 18, so I go with it.
Problem with LA is ol’ Turtle decides he needs to still be near me, so I end up realizing the Maple bacon smell from his office isn’t from the sunlight hitting his chair, it’s from him drinking pancake and bacon smoothies. But now I have to look “active” so I start doing a weekly internet interview where nerds ask me stupid ass questions about the “game” and I answer them. At first they wanted to have some of the nerds who run the site look at the questions first so they could type up answers for me, but I got bored reading their answers 3 questions in and now I’m making a space game where you can play Call of Duty and the Sims at the same time. Seriously kids, stay away from cocaine, I had to be hit with a tranq dart when someone started to ask me about voxels.
But then after like 20 of these one of the guys working on the game decides I can’t be trusted talking to people, so he wants to make a new Youtube show. I figure this is my chance to get rid of my two biggest problems, so I get Turtle and my wife to make this fake news show where they get random nerds from IT and shit to talk about spaceships and the right way to draw them or whatever while I go to gaming conventions, where pussy flows like wine if you’ve got a “Special Presenter” Pass, just wish I could have got on this circuit back when Olivia Munn hadn’t yet realized she could do better than videogame news.
It also helps that I’m like 70 million deep at this point too, so I’m actually bagging booth babes, not just the girls with low enough self esteem to dress up like animes and not get paid. So I think “what the hell, lets see what happens when I start selling spaceships I just drew in paint and make my dorky brother actually put them in the game, and the weirdest fucking thing happens, I make another 20 million and magazines are writing stories about how much of a genius I am. And everytime I tell some nerd about something, it will always make some other nerds so mad they spend days freaking out on the internet. I’m pretty sure if I announce a partnership with My Little Pony, I could probably make 50 million and cause a few dozen suicides.
